Living on the wild side

(Disclaimer:  the information presented in this blog post does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the blog author.)

The other day, just before Mr. Gadget headed down to his basement office to type up the minutes from the most recent condo association board meeting, I asked him how he was feeling as his three-year term on the executive board was drawing to a close.

He turned around and plopped himself down on a barstool.  Somehow, I knew I was in for more than just a short, two-word answer.

"In many ways," he said, "the Serengeti National Park is a fitting metaphor for a condominium complex.  Being on the board is a lot like being a park ranger."

I thought maybe I should have grabbed my knitting.

"Condo residents can be divided into two general categories," he went on.  "The vast majority are clueless ungulates and the rest are evil predators out to get them."  He had more.  "Consequently, despite what the CC&R's say about roles and responsibilities, the real job of the executive board members is to protect the former from the latter."

I must remember to keep my knitting in a handier place.

"And like the plains dwelling herbivores, most condo residents are content to be left alone with their patch of greenery around their units," he said.  "Any executive board member who seeks to deny them their greenbelt does so at great personal risk."

He was really getting heated up.  I could see the barstool starting to quiver.

"I know you've told me how contentious the association meetings are," I said.  "Do you have any ideas for improving meeting management?"

"Well," he said, "one thing's for sure: patience is not a virtue.  A board member trying to explain a complex issue is like that Serengeti park ranger trying to keep the herd from destroying the only watering hole in the area."

Mr. Gadget was definitely into the whole metaphor mentality.

"The predators are pretty smart," he continued.  "They make a run for the water, but when they're blocked, they look elsewhere.  But the others are like wildebeests.  They just keep heading to the same watering hole over and over and over.

I was getting a good sense of just how he felt about his time on the board.  I'd really heard enough so I started for the Treehouse.

"Not so fast!" he exclaimed.  "I've held out the best for last.  Like the park ranger, the executive board member's personal goal is to put in his time and get the hell out before losing any limbs."